 |
Become a friend of Tend Roses! Join our mailing list today!
Name:
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
About Tend Roses™
My Name is Kim Harman. I am 55 years old. I have been married to my wonderful husband Scott for 34 years. We have 3 amazing children and 3 awesome in-law children and 2 simply perfect grandchildren.
Everyone thought I was crazy 5 years ago because I was so over-the-top excited about turning 50. I never dreamed that at age 50 I would feel, look and be better and happier than I did at 30! And here I am 5 years later and still adding to that excitement. At this present time:
- I am enjoying wonderful physical health.
- I am enjoying emotional and mental stability and well-being (medication free).
|
|
 |
- My marriage relationship is the best it has ever been.
- My kids and their spouses are wonderful, responsible people and parents.
- I take responsibility for my own life which gives me the power to create the results and realities I want.
- I intentionally decide and purposefully choose how to think and how to respond to life situations.
- I am in a “moving forward” mode – constantly learning and stepping forward to my next level of potential.
- I am an author and have written a Personal Development / Human Potential system that is helping people take their power back and create better realities. It is called Tend Roses.
- I have become an entrepreneur and am the CEO of my own successful company – Tend Roses.
- I have goals and plans in place and am looking forward to the future with high interest, anticipation and expectations for continuing and increasing success.
- I am giving meaningful service to others.
- I am living a miracle!.
There are always prices to pay to live a miracle life and I am no exception to this rule. My life has not always been as it is today.
Please notice that in the list above you never heard me use the word perfect. I hope the words and nuances you noticed were: choice, responsibility, power, results, create, intention, decision, purposefulness, control, expectation, planning, potential, success and increase – to name a few. My miracle life was no accident. It is here and I am living it now because I consciously decided and chose to create it.
Just like every other human, I too have had joys and sorrows, challenges and triumphs. To understand the prices I have paid to live my miracle life, let me share my life journey with you.
I was born a happy, cheerful child. I had loving parents, and a fairly problem-free childhood. I was married at 21, naïvely thinking I would ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Wrong! Real life came into focus very quickly. My new husband and I did not discuss many basic life principles before marriage and as they came up one by one after, we really struggled. Because my life had been so idealic, I never learned problem solving skills that would have helped me avoid some of the pitfalls in my new marriage.
My husband and I were both average, good people. We were just not good at communicating and problem solving. I expected him to just know what I needed and wanted. This, of course didn’t happen. When he would ask me what was wrong, I would say, “Nothing!” though it wasn’t true at all!
It wasn’t long before I stepped into the role of victim. Victim’s twin sister is martyr, and I was the queen of both. Everything wrong in our marriage was HIS fault. I had become a full-fledged blamer! I felt very alone and sorry for myself.
It is almost comical now to look back and watch the futile cycle we were in. It is also pathetic and embarrassing to think of all of the years we wasted in this mode. 25 years of hurt and blame and wasted energy. That was a huge price to pay!
At the nine year mark we had our third child. I was still in victim and martyr modes. The chronic stress, anger and disappointment had set me up for the perfect crash. When my new baby was one year old I hit the ground. My life came to a screeching halt. I should have been hospitalized. My heart was racing at 120 beats per minute continuously. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t take care of my 3 small children. I felt like I was going to die. I went to the emergency room several times – some by ambulance.
I was finally diagnosed with panic disorder and depression. Beta blockers were prescribed to slow my heart down. Anti-depressants were prescribed to get my brain chemicals back in balance. A benzodiazepine was prescribed to help my brain and body calm down so I could sleep. Usually it is taken only at night, but the doctor decided I should take it round the clock until the other meds kicked in. He told me I would become addicted to it this way, but felt I was so bad it was the best choice for stabilizing me. The plan was to take it for 3 months and gradually wean off of it. As he said I would, I became addicted and did go through withdrawals. This was definitely a huge price to pay!
It took about 6 months to get to a "semi”-functioning place again. I remember the first day I was able to do very basic responsibilities again. I cared for my kids, showered and got dressed, and fixed dinner. While my husband was putting the kids to bed, I did the dishes. I stood there at the sink and sobbed. I was overcome with gratitude to be able to do those simple things again by myself. My tears dropped one by one into the wash water.
I was functioning again, but still not at my pre-crash level. A deep depression had settled in and taken over my life. I remember going to bed many nights thinking it would be best for everyone if I just didn’t wake up. I was convinced everyone would be better off without me. In addition to feeling like a burden, I felt totally worthless and trapped. Suicide was not an option in my belief system, so I just existed day after day.
The medications were their own trip to hell for me (several others were taken over the years in addition to the ones previously mentioned). It seemed like I experienced every negative side effect listed for each one. Finding the right ones, the right amounts and the right combinations was torture for me. The complications and side effects I experienced just compounded the depression I was taking them for. I felt like they were a band aid and I wanted a cure. I remember saying to the doctor, "Please just fix what is wrong and then I won’t have to take the pills!” I was then referred to a therapist. All of that was a huge price to pay in every way!
I was at a crossroads. I knew physically, mentally, and emotionally I just couldn’t go on like this forever. I felt like the medications were killing me physically. I had a poor quality of life because I felt so bad all of the time. I was suffering, and my family was suffering. I had given the medical community about 10 years of my life and something had to change. I finally had reached the point where I was willing to do anything to change it.
I really only had two options: Live the rest of my life like the last 25, or do what it would take to create a new, better reality. I choose creating a new better reality, and it was going to take a miracle!
I am profoundly grateful that through it all, I was blessed to have a burning desire for things to be better even though I felt hopeless.
Action is hard to muster when you are paralyzed by fear, doubt and old bad habits. I needed courage, knowledge and help to do what it was going to take to get the results I wanted and needed. I wanted and needed peace. I wanted and needed my physical health back. I wanted and needed to be emotionally and mentally stable. I wanted and needed a healthy marriage. I wanted and desperately needed to be available to care for my children. I wanted to feel happy, confident, and independent. I wanted to feel fulfilled and like my life had purpose and meaning.
I knew it was up to me to figure it out. The first person I turned to for help, knowledge and direction was God. I began praying differently. Instead of saying, "Please God, fix me!” I started to say, "Please God, help me know what I need to do to fix myself and make things better.”
Through experience I came to know God would never force his help on me, but the very minute I was ready to ask for it, take it, and use it, he would give it to me. I knew His help would be worth whatever price I would need to pay!
I cannot possibly list all of the things that started happening to help move my quest along, but I will share one of the most significant with you. This event was a life-altering and defining moment in my journey to wholeness.
I was praying one day very sincerely. I held up a picture in my minds eye of my husband and me in a good and happy relationship. I said, "God, this is what I want! This is how I want our relationship to be.” The answer I received from him came in the form of a question. He said, "Kim, aren’t there two people in that picture?”
It seemed as if time stood still and held its breath… It was in that suspended moment that, for the first time, I saw with absolute clarity and understanding that if I really wanted the relationship I had presented, I was going to have to do my part to help create it. It wasn’t all up to my husband. It was equally my responsibility as well.
I know you are probably thinking, "duh" a first grader knows that!" I have come to know that the platforms we stand on, and the beliefs and habits we function from, can blind us to seeing the obvious truth and better options. Think about it for a minute – doesn’t it feel really good to not be responsible? Isn’t it nice to let someone else be the responsible one? It does feel good and easy. But it is one of the ugliest and most dysfunctional life traps. When you give your responsibility to someone else, you also give them the power. Since you cannot control them, you cannot control the outcomes to be what you want. I wanted control over my life and realized I had to take my responsibility and power back if things were going to change.
God trusted me enough to know I would figure out I needed to "own it," which I have come to affectionately define as: looking at myself with honesty and total ownership; accepting that the thoughts, words, and actions I choose create my reality; being responsible to know I have the control, and to use that power wisely and with intention. The choices of how to think, what to say, how to respond, and what to do had been up to me all along. I alone had created the reality I had been living my whole life, by the choices I had made.
This realization was almost consuming. However, I also realized that if I had the power to create what I didn’t want – then I had the power to create what I really did want too! That understanding changed my life, and was definitely worth the price I had paid!
By really looking at what I wanted and at what I was learning, I came to see if I were to create the new reality I wanted, I needed to do more than just "pull a few weeds." I needed to plow my whole field under and re-plant! I needed to chop down the weeds, prepare the soil and plant new seeds. Then care for and tend them until they bore the fruit I wanted. If I wanted peace, I had to plant and nurture peace seeds. If I wanted a good relationship with my husband, I needed to plant and nurture love, kindness and communication seeds.
I knew blaming was the first big weed that needed to go. Owning my thoughts, feelings, words, actions, and expectations, and being responsible for them, was the absolute earth itself my new life garden would emerge from.
Of course victim and martyr modes had to go too! I quit expecting my husband to read my mind. I started to actually tell him how I felt, and what I needed and wanted. That was an extreme challenge for me. But, the more I did it, the easier it became. I was starting to feel a sense of accomplishment. I was impressed with myself for doing something that, up until then, had seemed impossible for me to do. My husband responded with loving care and kindness. A spirit of teamwork grew in our home, creating a decrease in fear and tension. These were rewards that were definitely worth the price!!!
I learned to be more aware of what my thoughts and words were. I started being honest with myself. I started thinking about what I was thinking about, and if my focus was on something negative, I purposefully changed it to something positive. I tried hard to look for and focus on the good things I DID have.
Eureka! I was starting to get the results I wanted. My life was starting to become what I had always pictured, and wanted so desperately to have, all along! It was starting to look and feel beautiful. I had my power back now, and was using it for good and on purpose. Slowly I was beginning to feel I was controlling and creating my life, instead of it controlling me!
The good news is I was persistent, and did receive the ways and means to reach my goals and get the results I had wanted all along. I am living my miracle and it IS worth the price I paid!
My life now is what I only hoped for and dreamed of years ago. As I said in the beginning of my story I am enjoying physical, mental and emotional health, stability and wellbeing, without depression and anxiety medications. My marriage relationship is better than I ever thought it could be. I now have great coping skills that help me feel peaceful, capable and in control. I am progressing, and doing the things I love, and am confidently following my passions, to name just a few.
I still have challenges and unexpected things that come up everyday, like everyone else – but it is totally different now. Instead of going into an automatic, negative, default mode, I step back and ask myself, "What result do I want in this situation?" I am then able to rationally and intentionally decide how to respond and what actions to take to create the outcomes I want.
My excitement and gratitude for living my miracle has made me want to share what I did to get it with everyone! Especially those I meet who have made the decision like I did, that they are done living life the old way and are ready now to take the right actions and build and create and live their miracle lives too.
The desire to share what worked for me is how the Tend Roses Signature System came into being. Tend Roses is a unique synergistic compilation of the concepts, tools, exercises, activities and things I did to change and transform my life.
My special gift and ability to help you succeed, comes in working personally with you. This delivery method allows me to customize everything to your individual needs and goals. For this reason my unique Tend Roses Signature System is personally delivered and taught to you by me, its creator, in an intense 6 weeks period for 1 hour each week.
Our Tend Roses Signature System is comprised of the 6 week one-on-one training with me, our Tend Roses System Kit (Tend Roses Guidebook, Tend Roses Journal, Tend Roses Daily Notebooks, Tend Roses Visual Affirmation Clings), and most important of all, when you do our Signature System you become eligible to become a Tend Roses VIP Member which allows you ongoing support and access to our "Member’s Only" Facebook page where you can have instant mentors, cheerleaders, and friends. You will be able to create relationships with others who are actively tending roses also and share with them successes, tips and suggestions, ask questions and make strategic connections and lasting friendships. Participate in monthly training calls and many other phenomenal benefits also.
Please don’t give one more day of your life away. If what I have shared has resonated within you and you feel like you are ready to change your life, then take action now! Everyday you wait is one less day you will have to enjoy living your new better reality, and believe me, that price is way too high! Live your miracle today and enjoy life the way it was meant to be!
Sincerely, Kim Harman
Get started in one of the following ways:
|
|
|
